here we are on the weekend. last week was a weird one. started off bad on monday, got steroids on tuesday and started taking them, and then the rest of the week had good energy and fewer inflammation related side effected for at least half the day until i went to my treatments and got zapped again. and then i’d feel weird, like affected by the radiation, but still kinda wired from the steroids. afternoons and evenings were still less energy and not great. i’ve had evening cat sit appointments so i’ve had to go out and i’ve managed them ok but the double vision returns as the day goes on and i had a few kinda challenging drives home in the dark after working. and then when i am laying in bed at night, trying to go to sleep, i can still feel my heart racing and everything pumping in my head, so it’s been hard to fall asleep early. most nights i haven’t managed to drift off til past 11 even if i get in the bed at 9 and the cats are still waking me between 4:30-5:30am for their breakfast, so not much sleep. i try to go back to sleep after i feed them but it often doesn’t work; i’m awake. my right ear has also been intermittently blocked up and my hearing has been affected and my jaw is popping (which has never happened before) and sometimes my scalp/head hurts a little on the right side, so i’ve been having to sleep on the other side.

oh, and i forgot to mention – i noticed midweek that i now have a bit of a hair loss stripe behind my right ear, where my glasses arm ends extending towards the back of my head. it’s not awful but seems to be growing so it will be interesting to see just how much falls out. it’s still mostly covered if i wear a ball cap and i don’t see anything corresponding on the other side (yet) but who knows. my hair in general seems thinner, dryer, more chaotic and i have been noticing more hair coming out when i shower and wash my hair than normal. i also seem to have 2 red dots which must be where the radiation beam is going in or focusing on longer. they aren’t sore yet but that might be coming in the last 5 days.

so yeah, the radiation journey continues. i will definitely celebrate not having to go down to UMC daily after next friday cuz i have really come to dread it every afternoon and have to literally mediate for a few minutes before going in to calm myself down but sadly it won’t be the end of dealing with the side effects. i have a friend i made back in 2020 who had surgery around the same time as me and we’ve kinda kept up with each other and she had radiation over the summer ending in mid august i think and she STILL has all her side effects. that’s a couple months!! so just because i won’t be getting zapped every day doesn’t mean i won’t still be suffering. ugh.

no trick or treating for me tonight. in fact i think i’m about to go try to nap for a bit since it’s raining and i went late to the cat i’m caring for this morning so i have to go a little later tonight for his dinner. hopefully the rain will let up by then so i don’t have to drive in it. but my belly is full of ethiopian food and i still have enough leftover for either dinner later or a meal tomorrow, thanks to sweet friends. and i’m feeling hopeful about the election due to the groundswell of organizing i see happening all over this state. i wish i had the energy to do more myself but social media posting and texting friends is about all i can manage – so if you get a text from me don’t be upset. i’m just trying to do my part to make sure everyone has voted or has a plan to do so on tuesday. i’d love for our state to shock the nation and all the stupid fucking pundits who don’t take us seriously.

i’ll leave you with another cool painting i saw at UMC as i was leaving on friday. still no QR codes to identify the artist. oh well. it made me smile, which is a nice way to leave UMC after treatment.