despite all my anxiety, the first radiation treatment was pretty quick and easy. debra being there with me definitely helped calm my nerves. so did the ativan i took. lol

i couldn’t really remember what they told me about check in – they’d given me a special ID card and showed me where the dressing room was on the day i got my mask made, but since it was in between a PET scan appt in a totally different part of the hospital and a follow-up with my neuro oncologist back in the cancer center, i was a little confused as to where i was supposed to go. so we just checked in like normal at the cancer center and sat in the lobby. they did eventually come get me. but today i learned i don’t need to do that – we can just bypass that, go in and check in with my ID back by radiation and go right to the dressing room that’s right next to the radiation room, which they use as a waiting room as well. they’ll come get me when they are ready and debra can stay in there and wait for me.

it’s pretty empty in radiation in the afternoons. i guess most patients opt for morning appointments, but since i work in the morning, i asked for an afternoon slot. it felt like maybe i was the last one of the day today, it was so quiet. but i much prefer the quiet than the bustling chaos of the mornings, which i’ve experienced when i’ve seen my neuro oncologist.

anyways, the radiation techs are so sweet and nice! they explained everything to me once i was in the room, got me situated on the extremely hard carbon fiber platform, snapped my mask down over me and let me wriggle around a minute to get comfortable, explained that there’d be xrays taken first and they’d be looking at those and other images for a few minutes, and then the radiation would start. they left the room, for their safety, and monitored from an observation room a few feet away.

i didn’t really feel anything, but i could hear the machine whizzing as it moved from one side of my head to the other, as they are treating both of the tumors in the same session. they also had some music playing softly in the background – i think it might have been beyoncé but i wasn’t really focused on it. mostly what i heard was my own heartbeat in my head and throat since i was nervous, and was aware of how dry my mouth was (again, nerves) and how smooshed my face and neck are under the mask. but i just kept telling myself, it’s only 15 minutes. you can do anything for 15 minutes. did some breathing exercises where you count your breaths and after a few minutes of that i was almost nodding off in there. and before i knew it, it was over.

i did at a few points experience a very strong smell of chlorine. maybe they just use some kind of cleaning product on the machines that resembles chlorine but i have also read that some people experience strange smells during their radiation treatments, olfactory hallucinations of sorts. so not sure which one it was. i’ll have to note whether it happens again. i only smelled it when the radiation was actively beaming in.

today i learned it will likely be 2-3 weeks before i start experiencing noticeable fatigue and hair loss, and that will continue throughout. i might also get headaches and nausea, the further we go along, as my brain might experience inflamation from the treatments. they have stuff they can prescribe to help with that so i just need to let them know about anything out of the ordinary i experience. i did already pick up some ginger drops to have on hand for the nausea.

i guess it was actually kinda anticlimactic, but i’m grateful for that outcome. maybe i built it up a bit too much in my head but you know, i don’t do so great with unknowns. and i don’t know how anyone wouldn’t be nervous about starting this process, of willfully signing up to have your brain irradiated for 30 days. but now that i know it’s pretty quick and easy, i think i won’t be nearly as stressed about the actual treatment process going forward. my radiation doc seems to think i will tolerate the entire course of treatment well, so i hope he’s right.

thanks to every one of you who checked in with me today and over the weekend – called, texted, sent messages on social media, etc. it’s really wonderful feeling not so alone dealing with all this, even though ultimately i am the one all by myself in that machine getting my tumors fried. but it gives me strength knowing my community of friends far and wide are with me and ready to support in whatever ways i need. so thanks. i love you all. ❤️